What You Need to Know About Maggie Holzman

Anonymous asked: Which 15th or 16th century dictator is Maggie Holzman most similar to?

I would say her closest match is Vlad the Impaler.  She skewers her enemies on whim, is campus-renowned for her extraordinary cruelty, and has victims numbering in the tens of thousands.

Anonymous asked: This is funny but in all seriousness, would she be a good president?

Probably.  She’s very organized.  And she cares about things, which is cool for a president.

Anonymous asked: What's Maggie's policy on Water Ice?

She holds the controversial belief that it exists.

Maggie would donate her excess blocks to David Bowie if presented with the opportunity.

Maggie’s left thumb is only minimally deformed.

Maggie is not dating any of her family members.

Maggie has never owned or operated a sweatshop. 

Kanye West’s “Monster” was written about Maggie.

Maggie has excellent taste in roommates.